


Enough

by LiaIsInLove



Series: Louder Than Love [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Death, Depressed Niall, Depression, Implied Relationships, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Illness, Narry - Freeform, Niall-centric, Sad, Sad Ending, Sad Niall, Suicidal Niall, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Tragic Romance, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-05-14 10:01:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5739448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiaIsInLove/pseuds/LiaIsInLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry adored him. Harry was so good to him and Harry loved him so much. And Niall wanted that to be enough. He wanted it to be enough so goddamn fucking badly. But it wasn’t. It just wasn’t.</p><p>Or the one where Niall loves Harry, but his Depression is insurmountable.</p><p>Trigger warnings for mental illness and suicide. Please do not read if you have any chance whatsoever of being triggered by this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. This one is loaded. But I am so incredibly serious when I say DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU MIGHT BE TRIGGERED. I don't care who you are, if reading this might cause you any harm, then I am begging you not to. I know that there are plenty of you who will read this anyways even if it may cause you harm, and for those people, I am begging you to please not read this. It's not worth it, and I can preemptively say that it's just fan fiction, real life is better anyways, you're not missing anything crucial to your life, and I'd much rather you be safe and happy having not read my writing than miserable and in a dangerous place having read this.
> 
> Alright, more notes at the end. But seriously. Please do not read if you are not in a safe place.

Niall loved Harry. He really and truly loved Harry with all of his heart. He loved Harry so much that it physically hurt. Harry was his heart and soul and his reason to live and Niall loved him more than he had ever imagined it could be possible to love another person. Niall loved Harry. But that didn’t make a difference.

Because Niall was tired, so, so very tired. He was so fucking exhausted all of the time that he didn’t have the energy to care about anyone or anything other than himself anymore. And he hated that. He hated that so fucking much. He hated himself so unbelievably much for being so goddamn selfish. He couldn’t even begin to find words to explain the level of loathing he felt for himself. But that didn’t change anything. That didn’t make him suddenly start caring.

No, he was selfish. So, so incredibly fucking selfish. Because, no matter how much Niall loved Harry, no matter how much he cared about him, no matter how much he wished it wasn’t this way, all Niall could ever think about was how tired he was. How much he wanted to sleep. How he couldn’t go on like this anymore. How sad and lonely he felt all of the fucking time. How much it hurt to laugh. How hard it was to smile. How unbearably empty and hollow he was. How he couldn’t feel anything anymore. How he felt like he was already dead—he hadn’t felt like he was living for so long he was forgetting what it felt like to be alive. How painful every day was. How badly he wanted everything to just _stop_. How much he wanted to end it all. How much he wanted to die. All of the fucking time.

And it didn’t even matter that Harry loved him, doted upon him, showered him with praise and affection. It didn’t matter that Harry used to make him the happiest human being alive. (But then again, that was a lifetime ago; nothing could make Niall happy anymore) And it didn’t even matter that Harry had promised to stay by his side, no matter what, until the ends of time. None of that fucking mattered because no matter how much Harry loved Niall, and no matter how much Niall loved him back, the sadness was stronger.

The sadness, the bloodcurdling, life-sucking sadness was a like a black hole, sucking him in, draining him of all hope and happiness, desecrating not only his chances of escaping but also his will to survive. It had taken him over, seized his body and his mind, stripped him of everything that made him _Niall_ and left him an empty pit of blackness. And Niall just couldn’t fight it anymore. He just couldn’t.

And Niall knew that it would kill Harry. He knew that Harry would be devastated and heartbroken and so, so fucking sad. And Niall despised himself so much for knowing that he was going to cause Harry even more pain than he already did. He knew full well that he was the most pathetic, revolting, selfish, worthless human being to ever walk the earth. He knew that Harry was far too good for him and he didn’t deserve Harry’s love and kindness. He knew that he was a monster for what he was going to put Harry through. But Niall just couldn’t take it anymore. He had tried. But it was so hard, and it hurt so badly, and Niall was just so fucking tired. And he just couldn’t do it anymore. He just couldn’t.

Harry adored him. Harry was so good to him and Harry loved him so much. And Niall wanted that to be enough. He wanted it to be enough so goddamn fucking badly. But it wasn’t. It just wasn’t.

And Niall just couldn’t take this agony anymore. He was done. He needed it to end.

So Niall leapt off the bridge into the black night. The cold air rushed over him as he fell _down, down, down._

**Author's Note:**

> If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, I am begging you to please get the help that you need.  
> Visit http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html for the international hotlines. I am begging you. You are worth it. You are so special and so important, and you deserve to get help and get better. I may not know you but I promise that you are worth it.
> 
> If you ever need someone to talk to, or encourage you, or believe in you, or you just need a friend, I am always here for you. So please don't ever think that you are alone, because you are not. You can find me on tumblr at lia-is-in-love.tumblr.com
> 
> I love you all so much and I hope that each and every one of you find the happiness and peace in life that you deserve.
> 
> Lots of love,  
> -Lia


End file.
